Tech Ed.

When I was in seventh or eighth grade, we were required to take a class called Tech Ed. In it, we learned about basics of design, use of various shop tools, and other technical skills. One project they had us perform involved building something that would remove a golf ball from a long, thin tube. The most common solution was some sort of broom handle with something sticky on the end of it.

I recalled this project today when I got off the train at Union Square, and found a man using an umbrella to fish bottles and cans out of the bottom of a garbage can that was too tall and had too small an opening for him to simply reach into. That's when I realized that when Brattleboro Union High School taught us basic principles of engineering, they were really preparing us for our future careers among the ranks of the homeless.

Thanks, Brattleboro!
-TC

Screenplay

I just finished the first draft of my first original screenplay in about four years. Being a first draft, it more or less completely sucks, but I'm writing again, and that's the important thing. It currently clocks in at 132 pages. Hopefully when I whittle out some of the more overtly awful bits, it'll start working its way down to a more manageable length.
-TC

Travel Agent

Next door to my office is a small travel agency. They are constantly trying to lure people in with free sandwiches, men on stilts, raffle drawings, and other such gimmicks. As a good New Yorker, I usually make a point to either avoid eye contact or scowl derisively as I pass by on my way to lunch. But today I was passing by, and a woman shouted "real live penguin inside!" I must say, I was a bit intrigued by this. The prospect of seeing a penguin on my lunch break was almost enough of an incentive to interrupt the flow of my day. Almost.
-TC

Old Woman

Today I came home from work, much as I do most days. Shortly thereafter, I had to run out to take care of a small errand. On my way out the door, I found an old woman sitting on my front step reading the newspaper. I looked at her quizzically, and she "I'm just resting a moment, I got out of the hospital a couple days ago." I replied "That's fine," and continued on my merry way. After about a block, it dawned on me that this was the first time I'd actually spoken to another person all day long. It was a sobering thought to realize that the most interaction I had had with another human being consisted entirely of deciding not to kick a crippled old lady off my stoop. I briefly toyed with the idea of calling the police, just so I'd have someone else to talk to. Ah, well. Another lost opportunity.
-TC

DMV

As a child of the eighties, I grew up with The Department of Motor Vehicles being one of the most common targets for comedians looking for a quick laugh. Long lines, inept employees, all general comedy fodder that I never really gave much thought to. However, I have now been trying to renew my license by mail since late May, so far to no avail. And one of the reasons for the hold up is that each time I resubmit my application (I'm on try number 3 now), I have to wait three business days to find out whether or not it's being processed. Now, this is not because it takes three days to process a form. That would just be silly. Instead, it takes three days because apparently the Vermont DMV has a policy of not even opening, much less processing their mail for three days after it arrives. I assume this is to let the mail settle.

So now with the benefit of more worldly experience, I feel confident in saying, "Paul Reiser, you were absolutely right."
-TC

Cats

I've been living with a cat for the last two weeks, and it has only further cemented my belief that cats are in fact better than people. My reasoning goes like this: the cat woke me up at 6:00 a.m., then threw up on me at 7:00 a.m. (perhaps in response to my refusal to leave the bed). However, in spite of this, I still felt less annoyed than I do by simply walking into my own apartment and knowing that other people sometimes live there.
-TC

Empathy?

As most are probably already aware, the media has been in a tizzy this past week over Barack Obama's statement that one of the qualities he would seek in a new Supreme Court Justice is empathy. Now, as we all know, the ability to empathize with another is the ability to experience his thoughts or feelings. Through empathy, we can understand someone else's plight and judge it in the context of our own experiences, desires, and moralities. In so doing, we are forced to think of other people not as abstractions but as equals to whom our own fundamental ideas of right and wrong continue to apply, even when we are not directly effected. As a result, the continued functionality of society is taken outside the realm of basic self interest and a communal ideal can foster a civilization governed by mutual responsibility. And, of course, there is only one word for a society governed by a communal ideal: Communism!

As there is absolutely no place for any such sense of common responsibility in our fine legal system, I propose that our president do the only reasonable, rational thing one could do when faced with this difficult nomination: he should refit Peter Weller and make Robojudge our next Justice of the Supreme Court. He and Justice ED-209 should have some interesting and productive discussions when the next seat opens up.
-TC