Jollibee

I went to the grocery store earlier, and on my way, I noticed that every restaurant in my neighborhood was packed, with lines swarming out into the streets. In and of itself, this isn't surprising. Being Valentine's Day, I'm sure it's hard to get a table anywhere, much less anywhere nice.

But the biggest crowd I observed was outside this new place called Jollibee. Out of curiosity, I decided to check out their website when I got back to my apartment. Apparently, Jollibee is the Philippines's number one American-style fast food restaurant.

I think it goes without saying that fast food is never the greatest cuisine one could hope for. But as a general rule, their advertising photography still makes their menu look like something that vaguely approximates real food. However, this is not the case for Jollibee. A few minutes of perusing their online menu was enough to ruin the idea of the hamburger for me forever. More importantly, their desserts include creamed corn in shaved ice topped with corn flakes, and something that seems like ice cream covered in cheese. If this is how the rest of the world views America, no wonder we are so hated in the international community. "First they ignore the wishes of the UN, then they put cheese on ice cream. Kill the infidels!"

I would like to say to anyone that was taken to Jollibee for Valentine's Day, I am deeply sorry, not just on behalf of men everywhere, but on behalf of all humanity. There are some mistakes in life for which there are simply no excuse.
-TC

Saturday Night

"Another Saturday night and I ain't got nobody
I got some money 'cause I just got paid
How I wish I had someone to talk to
I'm in an awful way"
-Sam Cooke, Another Saturday Night

Happy Valentine's Day, world! I hope you choke on it.
-TC

Canada

I spent much of the last week in Canada. And I spent much of that time driving through the middle of nowhere, a term I didn't fully understand until I found myself in the wilds of Canada.

The ride up was a bit harrowing. We drove from New York to Manchester, VT in the middle of a rather sizable snowstorm. Considering that my car has no snow tires, is pretty low to the ground, and Vermont has a rather whimsical idea of what constitutes a plowed road, I was kind of surprised we didn't die in a ditch on fire. But, here I am.

In the course of the trip, I went to the Boreal Zoo and looked at some polar bears that seemed to think I looked rather delicious, rode a toboggan down an ice ramp in Quebec City, parked and stood on Lac St. Jean amid a village of tiny houses, watched a cougar lick a cow leg, and spoke what I think constitutes very poor French. I also ate caribou, inferior maple on a stick, and poutine. Not only did I eat poutine, I ate McDonald's poutine. Which is pretty much what you'd expect.

And now I'm back in New York where it seems that by some miracle of oversight I have not in fact been fired. Yet.
-TC