Screenplay

I just finished the first draft of my first original screenplay in about four years. Being a first draft, it more or less completely sucks, but I'm writing again, and that's the important thing. It currently clocks in at 132 pages. Hopefully when I whittle out some of the more overtly awful bits, it'll start working its way down to a more manageable length.
-TC

Travel Agent

Next door to my office is a small travel agency. They are constantly trying to lure people in with free sandwiches, men on stilts, raffle drawings, and other such gimmicks. As a good New Yorker, I usually make a point to either avoid eye contact or scowl derisively as I pass by on my way to lunch. But today I was passing by, and a woman shouted "real live penguin inside!" I must say, I was a bit intrigued by this. The prospect of seeing a penguin on my lunch break was almost enough of an incentive to interrupt the flow of my day. Almost.
-TC

Old Woman

Today I came home from work, much as I do most days. Shortly thereafter, I had to run out to take care of a small errand. On my way out the door, I found an old woman sitting on my front step reading the newspaper. I looked at her quizzically, and she "I'm just resting a moment, I got out of the hospital a couple days ago." I replied "That's fine," and continued on my merry way. After about a block, it dawned on me that this was the first time I'd actually spoken to another person all day long. It was a sobering thought to realize that the most interaction I had had with another human being consisted entirely of deciding not to kick a crippled old lady off my stoop. I briefly toyed with the idea of calling the police, just so I'd have someone else to talk to. Ah, well. Another lost opportunity.
-TC

DMV

As a child of the eighties, I grew up with The Department of Motor Vehicles being one of the most common targets for comedians looking for a quick laugh. Long lines, inept employees, all general comedy fodder that I never really gave much thought to. However, I have now been trying to renew my license by mail since late May, so far to no avail. And one of the reasons for the hold up is that each time I resubmit my application (I'm on try number 3 now), I have to wait three business days to find out whether or not it's being processed. Now, this is not because it takes three days to process a form. That would just be silly. Instead, it takes three days because apparently the Vermont DMV has a policy of not even opening, much less processing their mail for three days after it arrives. I assume this is to let the mail settle.

So now with the benefit of more worldly experience, I feel confident in saying, "Paul Reiser, you were absolutely right."
-TC