Spam

It would seem that today, someone pretending to be me accessed my e-mail account and sent out this mass message to everyone I've ever contacted inviting them to buy digital cameras from some website. My friends knew it wasn't me, though. This isn't due to the fact that I was inexplicably selling things or had the grammar of a bad Chinese robot, but because I suspiciously mentioned that I was experiencing "happiness." My friends know me so well.

-TC

Hair Metal

I see people performing for money in the subway all the time. But today I saw my first one man hair metal band. And he totally rocked my world. Not enough that I gave him money, of course, just enough that I decidedly avoiding giving him any overtly dirty looks as I passed by. I'm too kind, I know.

-TC

Writing

I've been writing a lot lately. As is always the case when I've been productive for a while, I felt like doing some mindless busy work to make it feel like I was accomplishing something while actually doing little more than killing time between now and the grave. In that vein I decided to print out the latest copies of all the scripts I've started in the last few years and organize them together in a binder.

Once I had done so, the first thing I realized was that this binder is now heavy enough that I could easily beat someone to death with it. The second thing I realized was that doing so would probably be the most productive thing that is likely to happen with this material.
-TC

Transformers

Alright, I'll admit that there's a ten year old boy inside me, and no matter how much I may fight it, I still have an overwhelming impulse to see movies based on things from my childhood, like super hero films and the like. But at least I've reached the point where I can usually wait until they've come out on DVD so I can experience my shame in private. And I knew when I rented Transformers 2 from Netflix that I was making a terrible life choice, but I had no idea just how bad an idea this was. All I can say is that I'm less than 15 minutes in and already there has been a flatulent robot.

Michael Bay, if you're reading, I'm embarrassed for both of us.

-TC

Highs and Lows

I came home to New England for the weekend, and I thought I would give a quick rundown on the highs and lows of my day here in small town USA. On the high side, within hours of waking up this morning I had a stranger tell me I was handsome, then had an attractive young woman give me a free cookie in exchange for flashing my winning smile. (I'd like to gloat about how dreamy this sort of thing might suggest me to be, but sadly I don't think that the title of Most Attractive Man in Walpole, New Hampshire is as difficult to attain as one might imagine.)

And on the low side, I went into an empty house and saw my first free-standing urinal in a residential home. Not, I should point out, in a bathroom. Just sitting there off the kitchen. Western Civilization at it's finest.
-TC

Master Race

Today I saw a man walking down the street with a cat sitting on his head, and a very nice homless man informed me that I "ain't no master race, bitch." Or, as we say in New York, it's Monday.
-TC

Yelps

Today I was reading The New York Times, and there was a story about a supreme court case where a man is accused of distributing images of animal cruelty for including scenes of a dogfight in a documentary. As part of his defense, his lawyers counted "at most, 25 seconds containing yelps." Some go to law school for the money, others to fight for social justice. I wonder if these people went in hoping they'd get the chance to sit with a stopwatch so they could stand before the supreme court seriously arguing over exactly how many dog yelps constitute animal cruelty from a legal standpoint. Still, better than being the bankruptcy attorney advertising on the subway.
-TC